Looking Back

Once in a while I find myself going through old memorabilia.  I usually end up watching youtube videos of my former band, Heart Prevails.  It takes me back to a time when community, friendship, and music trumped everything else.  It’s always easy to think of the “good old days” without remembering all of the tough growth that took place during that time. Sometimes I wish I could go back and have another crack at being in a rock band.  Now, with a greater self-awareness, I’d be able to really immerse myself in those magical moments I was able to experience on stage with my best friends.  I swear I’d be doing backflips off my amp and leaping into the crowd every chance I had.  I’d be digging into those fat bass-strings and staring my drummer in the eye while we lock in on the sweetest groove we’ve ever felt.  What is the point of music anyways?  In my opinion, it’s to honestly express yourself and to connect with yourself and others.  I think we are all constantly suppressing our true selves for the most part.  And what better way to let it all out than a live show!  We had this fan that loved our band so much.  He would always be in the front row of every single one of our shows, and once in a while he would leave with an injury because of his passion for honest music and expression.

For a person who strives so much to live in the present moment, I can’t help but frequently glorify the past.  The future doesn’t even exist to me; it’s not a real thing, so luckily I don’t really worry all that much about it.  But the past is so real to me.  And how sad it makes me to remember how things were and how they’re now gone. But when I truly tap into myself I can confidently say that I’m insanely grateful for all of the experiences that I’ve been so lucky to have.  The people I’ve met and the places I’ve seen have all shaped me and taught me so much.  I can’t even express in mere words how sad/happy it all makes me.  That’s where music comes in…!  Or poetry… Or silence.

I’ve been in LA for 2 and a half years now.  Driving cross country and leaving it all behind felt so surreal.  But now I feel how real the consequences of your decisions are.  I never thought about how difficult it would be to be so far away from my family, friends and girlfriend while I was watching the colors of the Grand Canyon fade into reds and purples as the sun set on that glorious day in Arizona.  And I’m not saying I made the wrong decision.  Not at all!  I love breathing in shitty air and swimming in dirty oceans…  Seriously though, I don’t regret a damn thing (that’s probably a lie).  Though one thing I definitely regret is not making the most of every moment and truly expressing myself when I had the chance.  But life goes on and here I am in Los Angeles trying to figure out who I am, where I’m going, and how I’m going to make a positive impact on everything around me.  One thing I know for sure is that one of the only things that truly fulfills me is creating music.  And I’m so excited to be able to share this burning passion I have with the world.

I’m currently working on recording an EP.  There is no definitive date as to when it will be released.  It’s coming together organically and I’m really enjoying the process.  I appreciate all of you so very much and I thank you endlessly for your support and for taking the time to connect with me.

ML